Honestly

2003-09-23T20:16:00.000-04:00

my new blog
ya soooo chickity check it out, cause i prob won't write here

2003-09-22T18:29:00.000-04:00

today sucked a lot. Kayla and Elliot weren't here, and they are part of my daily functioning...gah. Oh yeah, Grant got expeled to Manito...noooo. He was like "I'm leaving." I was like "noooooo!"
I'm gonna miss him.

Nothing beats the hobo life, stabing them with my hobo nife.

Sorry I was just trying to scare you nobos.

2003-09-21T13:08:00.000-04:00

i want a man who can express his love through song.

ew i'm listening to this band i saw last night...he singing about his kid, these guys were like three years old themselves.

zwan broke up...boooooo...billy better tour alone...smashing pumpkins is wear his heart is

had fun with kane kane kane kane is cool grant is wack!

2003-09-21T00:06:00.000-04:00

oh my god, Rancid is newly slumming with Kelly Osbourne and the guy from Good Charolotte in their video.

Electrictity is sweet.
At the hurricane party I had a ball. I got shot twice, once in the ass, by that devil Kyle...he got his later. Most of the night was spent on the phone with fruity or talking to Elliot online while not showing him my boobs. still had fun.

tonight I was found back at the chiller...but it was somewhat better...Kane was more fun...made fun of Keegan...oh yes
grant is a new addition to our group...fun, even though he is the biggest dork i still love him fun fun fun till her daddy took her t shirt away...
thats not how it goes...

2003-09-18T18:44:00.000-04:00

so today I was sitting in class talking to my friend about how I'm sad because John Ritter is dead. and then he was like, ya know what?
me: what
him: Jake is like a piece of dog shit stuck to your shoe..that smells bad
me: (puzzled look)
him: you go wipe it off in the grass, but theres still little pieces in the grooves. and you need a stick to get it out...but at the moment you don't care. because its easier to leave it there then to get rid of.
me: oh well how do i obtain this stick
him: your stick is a gun and you take that and shoot jake in the head with it....problem solved.
me: alrighty

2003-09-17T18:39:00.000-04:00

I'm watching a great movie called THE BELIEVER. It's about a jewish nazi.
I love love love being me, I have so much fun in school. Its like my intelligence and funny wit is actually appreciated around smarter people. There are moments I actually look forward to. Art, locker after 4th to hit Elliot in the head, Klingler, lunch, saying hi in different ways walking down the hall. I have become such an optimist. i have so many friends...and they are growing exponentionally this year.

2003-09-16T20:26:00.000-04:00

ahem...
well thus far this week...
pregnant with elliot's child.
stalker is noticed now in the hallways...he has pretty lips.
oh yeah, a hater of mine said i look very nice today.
I talked to amanda today on the phone.
Kayla and I have been dating for two years +
will quit smoking.
will dye hair.
will go to homecoming with dreamy dreamy Kane.
my ass is like whoa!

2003-09-15T19:46:00.000-04:00

azureSky309: i think i'm going to give him your sn
Punkyelhsa: i'll slit your throat
azureSky309: and tellhim you are hot
Punkyelhsa: with his hair
azureSky309: im feeling fiesty
azureSky309: ew
Punkyelhsa: don't
azureSky309: (spindly fingers)
Punkyelhsa: i will shave him bald and glue it to your pubes
azureSky309: my face just froze in gross out face look
azureSky309: it was terryifying
Punkyelhsa: yeah. so don't.
azureSky309: and you would never get close enough to either
Punkyelhsa: i bet i would
azureSky309: his hair ewww... or my pubes
azureSky309: what is our obbsession with hair
azureSky309: tonight
azureSky309: esp. that of the pubic perssuasion
azureSky309: i'm sorry
Punkyelhsa: why sorry?
azureSky309: that you are a LOSER

2003-09-15T18:36:00.000-04:00

Hey, I had a great weekend minus Saturday....
Friday went out with Morroco and Glenn where I remembered why I was so fond of him in the past. We met up with Koolaid and Kane...I had fun...althought Morroco had to go home so I had to mudd solo.
Saturday Mia got the great idea of going to the Chiller, ninth grade bands (including my new sexy stalker's) Yeah I was really bored. I forced Kane to leave us 'cuz i figured he would have no fun with us anymore anyways.
Sunday, went over to Kane's house with Manda...Josh came over...we went to his grandma's then to Kane's again to bake cookies. He helped feed my nasty habbit. His mom forced me into finally asking him to homecoming. He did not decline...YAy(cartwheels and backflips)! Me, Kayler, Billy and Kane are going to have a ball in our kickass formal wear.

2003-09-12T17:51:00.000-04:00

OH my god. I had the best night of my life last night. Made a lot of new friends. Met a ninja. Got a record of four ciggs all not mine. Some guy had his arm around me and was all up in my zone. And I got a crazy Slightly Stoopid T. I'm now a Jedi wiseman. They are soo beautiful. I could actually close my eyes and imagine bradley serenading me. It was great great. In between sets we were calling random people. We called Jake, he called my mom, made her worry all night about me driving home with some drunk. Aw Jake cares! Thats REALLY fucking funny, considering he was like please do go ahead and kill yourself. OH MY GOD, i talked to JUSTIN last night on the phone for the first time in a month. ...I also talked to Fruity, I think I have a date with him or something tonight. But kane comes first

2003-09-10T19:44:00.000-04:00

, the only reason why i met him was so i could meet justin and kayla, billy, and mander, josh. Jake is just a pawn

2003-09-10T18:20:00.000-04:00

so i have a date

ashley said the funniset thing "or cancer" and then she ade herself bald
ahahahahah
i literally fell of my chair

2003-09-09T17:15:00.000-04:00

Why do you feel forgotten about?

2003-09-08T18:41:00.000-04:00

Yeah so today was a good day. Everybody was telling me how pretty I am today. And they weren't kidding either, I was on FIRE. I have to run the mile tomorrow, boo on that.
I almost saw Justin today but my appointment was canceled. I felt like crying, I must really like this cat.
I'm getting my pictures back, Jake is officialy a DUMBASS...dumbass.
Ma still doesn't get me, Kayla does.

2003-09-06T12:26:00.000-04:00

I can't believe Kane still likes me after seeing me in only red paint.

2003-09-06T12:24:00.000-04:00

ah ok so I had this crazy ass dream last night
I killed Jake.
I went to the mall with my girlfriends.
I met this hot guy who was soo falling in love with me, but he had a girlfriend.
I was like hrm, I should be good in bed for this guy so he really likes me, and dumps his gal.
so I go home and have sex with Jakes dead body...practising,
It was sooooooooooo gross, like i could even smell it, and it was grey and jake and still hairy.
But hey I got that guy at the mall.

2003-09-05T22:22:00.000-04:00

ah, From Dusk 'Till Dawn is on! Not a totally wasted Friday night. Once again plans to be with Kane got fucked over. And then Kayla's mom wouldn't let her come out and play.
Some guy asked Kane who his hot girlfriend is, referring to yours truly. Made me smile.

If you make a noise, Mr.44 will silence you
If you have a question, Mr. 44 will answer you.
And if you ever try and fucking run, Mr. 44 has got 6 little friends and they can all run faster than you

2003-09-03T17:17:00.000-04:00

sometimes when my dad is talking to me about nothing...I just want to be like "shut up! Shut up, just SHUT UP!!!" and throw a chair at his head. but I avoid my psychotic tendencies.
I'm going to homecoming no matta what.
Today I wore my whore boots and was taller then everyone they all thought I was skinny...no babies, its just an illusion.
I heard more about the shit talk going on from Jake. jeeze baby just get over me and masturbate

2003-09-02T16:43:00.000-04:00

while Randon is gorgeous, dreamy, funny, quite talanted and smart (image of perfection)...and has absolutely no problem taking advantage of my wit and appeal in good conversation. I do not like him that way, long distance never works out. we were not coupling at her party. thank you

2003-09-01T16:18:00.000-04:00

yet another party last night...Kane's. I had a lot of fun despite everything (drama..lack of maturity from my ex...everyone is sad.) It was really awesome, Kane liked his gifts and we were gonna have a cookie baking party today, but my mom said no. She's an ass. Kane got cool slippers and gave me his bandana, and I wore his 2pac shirt for a little. I don't think everyone else was having that much fun, people can forget to be happy for the birthday boy. whatever
If i never see jake again, it would probably be too soon unless he can fucking grow up just a little. I do nothing, but if I exist he still has to berate me with "dumb bitch" left and right. OK? Its probably upsetting that I know I'm a million times better than him...its really annoying that he thinks he's better than me.

2003-08-31T00:12:00.000-04:00

nah, not you Ash...omg Randon is like sooo totally hot!!! I had like totally forgotten how cool he is..
Watching Natural Born Killers with Kayla...and Kayla makes every day feel like kindergarten

Went to ashley's luau and had a gay old time. she wanted us to mingle with her old friends but we had nothing to talk about and Randon could sense the tension and could off the best advice when it comes to nakey pictures and friends you can't trust...*cough *cough Amanda. " hey I saw you naked!" what the fuck, I still don't understand how you can say that and not think its wrong. I don't think you like me or RESPECT me at all.
anyways I had a fun time we went looking for fruity at wendy's. he wasn't there so i had to show an old lady eating my ass...which made cars honk and holla...then mooned a group of guys, who luckily weren't rapist...expected me to come back to there car...RIIIGHT....
kayla put on a pumpkin suit at ashley's house later that night...i would flash cars and then she would jump in front of me shouting "PUMPKIN!!" So all and all it was a pretty groovy night...a lot better then last night

2003-08-29T23:22:00.000-04:00

stop talking shit on me, cuz everyone loves me, you're the only one who hasn't caught on, you fucking dumb piece of heroin snorting shit...god, don't EVER say i'm stupid again. jesus, you're not even going out with me but you are still fucking exhausting.
I need a new life, new friends (who aren't fucking two faced liars like...), new new new...I'm gonna start with him

2003-08-25T20:14:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went to Manda's where she so kindly ignored me and was feuding with her boyfriend then proceeded to make-up...which was a total surprise. I got some good driving time ain and didn't have that much fun. But kane is nice to be around. I passed on weed, go me! School's important and I think my lover appreciates my intelligence.
Sigh...:( i can't fucking wait to see my new pal again
School is starting in like a day.. tomorrow I shall go school shopping with Mia, fabulous Mia, who still owes Rob that sexy dance in exchange for our alcohol.
I have birthday party's out the ass...Ashley then Kane then Mia... what to get them.

2003-08-24T16:35:00.000-04:00

Close your eyes
give me your hand
do you feel my heart beating?
do you understand?
do you feel the same?
am i only dreaming?
or is this burning
an eternal flame?

hahah i love it

2003-08-24T16:00:00.000-04:00

your penis is so long
your penis is so hard
my body is a movie
and your penis is the star!

2003-08-24T00:58:00.000-04:00

went to the mall again searching for my love...it was not there...

me and amber stole some duster and did it in a dressing room (memories of dressing rooms come to mind) amber was like "hey baby...ha ha ha" funnny!
saw haley and jade and that red head guy...i had stong desires to befriend her and talk shit on jake...but held back...because i'm above it and over it and probably would hate her...a lot.
some little kid asked amber to suck his dick. so i held her hand and called her baby, and asked her when our anniversary would be.
we reinacted the previous night ...where i played roxie and she played kane..i held baby clothes up to my stomach and then cried when a baby next to me started crying "I'm only 16!".... and then i proceeded to spray her with orange glo...which gave her hives
derek gave us free pretzels and sodas...sweet man sweet...
i'm just so fucking happy, living single, living life, living...there are a lot of things to appreciate...like jake, thanks for calling amanda,really

2003-08-23T12:50:00.000-04:00

I tore my family apart. eh

Last nite was fun I suppose, even though ya know, no luck. Ugh well I picked up Manda and then we met the boys at the mall and we hung out there for awhile, then we went to Denny's for old time's sake. Kane is super sweet, if anyone ever puts him down...I will shit in a box and mail it to them.
They will eat our shit...and when they shit, they will eat that shit, which is made up of our shit which we previously made them eat.

I really hate all this attention that I'm getting, if you didn't care before...don't care now...it's ok

2003-08-22T15:54:00.000-04:00

ok well a lot has changed. Like I am a lot happier. totally over the x...come to realize what a fucking dumbass i am..wait i already knew that but you get me?

I met this really cool guy We talked for hours and have everything in common...he's 17, has a car, is sooo fucking intelligent. I have mucho respect for him. Yeah well i lost him and didn't get to say goodbye. but i'll find him again. and we shall be the best of friends. I'm like totally shocked at myself because i don't even care if i don't get to know him biblically hes just nice to uh listen to

2003-08-15T10:16:00.000-04:00

nothing but a little boy,
so stupid and immature
yet i love him still,
and i was sure
that he loved me back
but the fact
of the matter is
he doesn't even like me
not one little bit
so i sit
in my room
smoke some weed
cut my self,
haha watch me bleed
feeling better already, yet still
wish i wasn't living in a world with out him
but if i were to die
he'd think it was him
who made it happen
he doesn't deserve the satisfaction
yet still so sad,
i need to take some action

(closing time...)

2003-08-15T00:15:00.000-04:00

august 6th asshole, read it...
woohoo...i hope everyone's happy (jake and this slut, whom he loves and is going to treat with respect (like he did me in the beginning) and not beat and all that lovey dovey happy go lucky jake bullshit) cuz boy i'm totally feeling good

2003-08-10T01:48:00.000-04:00

what a fucking waste of effort...no wonder i never try at anything anymore...i wish i would have stuck to that one (not trying, therefore, not failing)
what a stupid little bitch you have become

2003-08-08T15:10:00.000-04:00

hahahah ok now that my family can't see this and i am sure of this...

as for last night
prob. best night of my life
we stole the car like a thousand times...I drove..everywhere up and down the road. we went muddin' minus the mud in a field by the church We came home at like 2 and were talking online. We invited a drunk guy over and he went on his way... he got lost so we went to Amanda's house to make sure that her brother came home safely...haahaaha so funny. he came up the driveway like a couple seconds ater we did...so we left all though we were welcome to stay.. babydick invited us over. .. we were gonna go to jake's but he was avoiding my calls. i fucked up my dads car...it smelled funny. so i prob had the car for a total of four hours and my dad didn't wake up, its great

2003-08-08T14:07:00.000-04:00

Why the fuck does everyone love me except the one I want to...He talks so much shit on me...now hes avoiding me.
this song I like cuz it defines us

LIMP -Fiona Apple

you wanna make me sick?
you wanna lick my wounds,
don't ya baby?
you want the badge of honor when you save my hide
but you're the one in the way of the day of doom, baby
if you need my shame to reclaim your pride

and when i think of it
my fingers turn to fist
i never did anything to you, man
but no matter what i try
you'll beat me with your bitter lies
so call me crazy, hold me down, make me cry, get off now baby.
it won't be long 'till you'll be lieing limp in your own hand

you feed the beast i have within me
you wave the red flag, baby you make it run
standing on the sidelines, waving and grining
you fondle my trigger then you blame my gun

2003-08-08T04:04:00.000-04:00

its 4 o'clock in the fucking morning

2003-08-08T03:46:00.000-04:00

i've been a bad bad girl.

2003-08-08T00:10:00.000-04:00

hahaha ok
I'm having a slumber party...
Morroco and Kayler are in the hizouse. Amanda had sex in Keegan's pool. not Mander, Amanda from BK...

all men are still rapists...jake could care less if i was gang banged by a group of herion shooting, aids-infested black men...
he's never seen me cry and he won't

I miss Rachael...

I'm so heterosexual...

I need an ego boost...
my long curly hair (on my pussy)
my eyes
straight teeth
nice hands
anklet
witty
kind
considerate
kayla's best friend
smarter then anyone knows

2003-08-07T01:45:00.000-04:00

hrm well i don't feel great enough to make it a habit
im not going to smoke anymore either even though i do like it
weak you are all sooo weak
like a girl who sticks with a guy that...i can't even describe the way i feel

2003-08-07T01:09:00.000-04:00

i was having the best fucking day...I felt like myself for once...then it all went to shit

ignore all that below

2003-08-06T18:18:00.000-04:00

Hey Jake...I realize I haven't given you the respect you deserve...so i just wanted to say here in front of everyone and God that I love you and have never stoped...you are maybe the most important thing to me and I worry about you a lot..if anything ever happened to you i don't know what I'd do...you're a really great intelligent person when you're sober...i like that xoxoxoxoxo

2003-08-06T10:58:00.000-04:00

OH my fucking god...Steve from blues clues is now a musician and is putting out a great cd...hes proud of his blue's clues days and ever prouder of this record he has done...hahahaha...whoa

Amo a mi novio

kkk bear :)

2003-08-06T10:40:00.000-04:00

I'm up awfully early...guys are so creepy, so creepy, they define creep. i pray that Jake is not so "horny" when I'm not around. gah, I'm so revolted right now...people that I once was in love with have turned out to be, very attainable now that I have a boyfriend. I love Jake sooo much and ew stay the fuck away.

i think I am going out with morroco and amy today..hopefully...i'm pretty sure she still hates me.
I miss Mia and even Ashley who I think is quite displeased with me at the moment.

i'm gonna stab myslef..i'm watching blue crush, and i just got goosebumps when she wiped out.

2003-08-05T22:55:00.000-04:00

currently im soooo scared
good news...im not pregnant
anyways scared of things with penises...that aren't jake...guys are scary and they only want my vagina and they want to rape me and make me cry....and im only wearing out fits that cover up my sexyness from now on...prob not..but ill avoid eye contact and conversation at all costs from now on

ewww katy bates naked in a hot tub

2003-08-05T20:38:00.000-04:00

blah blah blah....i get bored

Basics --
1. What do you most like about your body?: lips and legs
2. And least?: boobs and i have a bit of pudge
3. How many fillings do you have?: dentures
4. Do you think you're good looking?: in dark lighting
5. Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: hardly often
6. Do you look like any celebrities?: alanis morrisette

Fashion --1
. Do you wear a watch?: no.
2. How many coats and jackets do you own?: a lot
3. Favorite pants/skirt color?: blue jean baby
4. Most expensive item of clothing?: i used to wear a bunch of label clothes
5. What kind of shoes do you wear?: i love my flip flops
6. Describe your style in one word?: i don't have any

Your Friends --
1. Do your friends 'know' you?: yes
2. What do they tend to be like?: creative, funny, unique
3. Are there traits in you that are universally liked?: well they either like of hate my sarcasm...i think im funny
4. How many people do you tell everything to?: 2 (kayla and Jake if he would let me more)

Music/TV/Film/Books --

1. Favorite band ever?: smashing pumpkins
2. Most listened to bands/artists (as of this week): smashing pumpkins, SUBLIME
3. Do you find any musicians good-looking?: the guitar playing herion addicts
4. Can you play an instrument?: flute and baritone and dabble in guitar
5. Type of music most listened to?: i like music
6. Type never listened to?: ugh well least liked would be rap and country but i can deal
7. Favorite book?: walk two moons, james and the giant peach, welcome to the ark, a clockwork orange, the exorcist
Religion --
1. Do you detest religion?: a bit
2. How do you think this universe was formed?: big bang and monkeys and darwin
3. If you currently follow a religion, do you think people who belong to another religion are ignorant?: i don't and somewhat people are in general ignorant
4. If you were in a hostage situation, and you were given a choice, to either praise the demon they follow or die, what would you choose?: die.

Homosexuality --
1. What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands?: i hold hands with same sex so i don't automatically assume GAY
2. Do you detest homosexuality?: no
3. Do you agree or disagree with gay or lesbian couples bringing up children?: live and let live baby

General Questions --
1. Who do you believe is the smartest woman alive at the moment?: anna nicole...that women is richer then us all sooo she must know a thing or two about a thing or two
2. What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day?: i don't like drizzle..down pores or give me sunny
3. Do you consider yourself lucky?: yeah
4. Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide?: no
5. Choose one word to describe how you feel most often: nonchalante

Stuff --
1. Do you own any plaid clothing?: yes
2. Do you own Converse shoes?: yes
3. Do you own Saucony shoes?: no
4. Do you own old school Nikes?: no
5. Do you wear tight pants?: i guess...
6. Is there more than one zipper in your pants?: no
7. Do you know what a squatter flap is?: yes
8. Do you own a messenger bag?: yes
9. Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest?: thats a really stupid question
10. Do/did you have braces?: 3 times
11. Are braces worn anywhere besides the mouth?: yes sir..."doctor said my back was as crooked as a question mark"
12. Do you have short, shaggy hair?: nah bad
13. Does your hairstyle exceed a height of 3 inches?: i wish
14. Would you classify your hair as a deadly weapon?: if you can die fromt he sight of ugly...
15. Do you think mohawks are "neat"?: oh god yes
16. Is your hair black or red?: redish
17. Do you have a favorite brand of hair dye?: what the whore
18. Do you own a bandana?: maybe
19. Do you wear plugs in your ears?: ew
20. Are you amused by safety pins?: one time i made a puppet show called "dangerous pins: safety pins aren't sooo safe" safety pins dance around and stab each other...oh hahah so amusing
21. Have you ever used duct tape as a sewing substitute?: sadly yes
22. Do you own one or more objects with studs or spikes in them?: belt yeeaaah
23. Do you own one or more articles of clothing from Dogpile, Lip Service?: no.
24. Do you enjoy leopard print?: only on fananna

Habits/Beliefs --
25. Are you disgruntled (having a general hate for everything)?: every once and awhile
26. Are you an anarchist?: yeah.
27. Does the American flag anger you?: sometimes
28. Are you "working class"?: times are hard
29. Do you dislike "preps"?: only the ones that dislike me
30. Do you dislike Hot Topic?: if i said yes..i'd be a hypocrite...so yes
46. Do you say "rockin"?: yeah
47. Do you say punk "rawk"?: mhmm
48. Do you shout the word "oi"?: yeah

2003-08-04T01:45:00.000-04:00

PAST
-first grade teacher's name: Mrs. Smith, she always sent me to the office
-last word you said: night
-last song you sang: Last Dance, by OZMA
-last thing you laughed at: Keegan skaating like Anthony Keidis
-last time you cried: I got a little tear when Jake hated me a couple weeks ago

.PRESENT.
-what's in your cd player: mixes by Ashley
-what color socks are you wearing: things that go between your shoes and your feet?...crazy talk
-what's under your bed: shoes and old art by Yours Truly
-what time did you wake up today: 7:14 to leave the beach

.FUTURE.
-what is your career going to be: hopefully director of fine indie films
-where are you going to live: I'm thinking a house preferbly
-how many kids do you want: none
-what kind of car will you drive: ha fucking ha

.CURRENT.
-current hair: wavy, frizzy, purple, dead ends
-current clothes: wife beater and my dave matthews pants
-current jewelry: stolen rings and a stolen braclet
-current annoyance: try life
-current smell: sex and candy here
-current longing: cunnilingus
-current desktop picture: black
-current favorite music artist: I re-fell in love with Billy
-current book: I don't read
-current worry: pregnant
-current hate: sorry, I'm practicing good karma...but i do hate those babies inside me
-story behind your username: ugh well "A Clockwork Orange"
-current favorite article of clothing: naked
-favorite physical feature on a guy/girl: lips
-one person you wish was here right now: Kayla
-line from the last thing you wrote to someone: :"in between my bikini waxing and enema appointment"
-i am happiest when: I'm happy?
-i feel lonely when: no one cares
-favorite authors: i don't read..I liked
-do you think too much: sure
-if you could live anywhere in the world, where: on top of brad pitt
-famous person you have met: that chick from "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"
-do you have any regrets: uh yeah
-sex or love: sexy love
-favorite coffee: ew
-favorite smell: butt
-what makes you mad: grr
-favorite way to waste time: driving around listening to music. daydreaming.
-what is your best quality: i never stop loving anyone no matter what
-are in currently in love/lust: yeah
-what's the craziest thing you have ever done: well there was a time when I was with a male and we wanted to "try on" a $90 dollar skirt...and made it priceless
-any bad habits: nympho
-do you find it hard to trust people: i don't trust anyone, 'cept maybe Kayla and my dad
-last thing you bought yourself: sno cone
-bath or shower: i like em both
-favorite season: spring
-favorite color: black and red and orange
-favorite time of day: night
-gold or silver: silver
-any secret crushes: its a girl

.DO YOU.
-do drugs: depends
-drink: not really
-sleep with stuffed animals: on occasion
-have a dream that keeps coming back: that one were I sleep
-play an instrument: flute baratone and learning guitar
-believe there is life on other planets: yea
-read the newspaper: sometimes
-have any gay or lesbian friends: yes
-believe in miracles: yes
-consider yourself tolerant: certainly
-consider police a friend or foe: foe
-like the taste of alchohol: no
-have a favorite stooge: curly
-believe in astrology: no
-believe in magic: yeah
-pray: only in times of desperation
-go to church: hardly
-have any secrets: YEAH
-have any pets: bear dog, and im getting a pimp master bradley for a cat
-go or plan to attened college: plan to
-talk to strangers: ever so often
-have any piercings: ears
-have any tattoos: wish
-hate yourself: mostly
-wish on stars: often
-like your handwriting: for the most part--it's really scrawly
-believe in witches: A.J.
-believe in ghosts: I know one
-believe in santa: I ate him
-believe in the easter bunny: shot him
-believe in the tooth fairy: threw teeth and made her slip and die
-have a second family: sure
-sing in the shower: quietly

2003-08-03T23:33:00.000-04:00

yeaaaahh...so I've been at the beach for the past two weeks.
I did a lot of stuff...For starters we picked up Beegan at the airport were Keegan proceeded to drive totally fucked up on something...then we got to OBX. And me and Manda got a cool room. The next night I got drunk, naked in a hot tub and I can't remember...next night, drunk...next night met cuties at the peir and they took us to the beach for some alcoholic fun, on the way back from that we picked up moonshine drunk hitchhikers who proceeded to get naked in Mander's car and then give us weed...decided not to drink untill...one night I figured I'd have the nerve to tell Jacob how i feel, got drunk, that backfired royally...next day, missed Jake, felt bad... Next day, made eye-love to a boy in the general store, waved..two days after that, saw him on the road, waved, they followed us into a parking lot, gave us weed..next day, got bored, but Ben is awesome with those foot massages...next day, "wildcats, rrrgh"... now im home
and jake did not meet me tonight..frankly my dear, i don't give a damn

2003-07-19T19:52:00.000-04:00

so I'm guessing that I'm an idiot...
I can't believe you wouldn't tell me about you're encounter with fruity. I'm so jealous...yay you get to eat at Wendy's every friggin day. Someone's in love again, this time I'm not pining for him as well, I'm Taken, so knock yourself out.

They were yelling at me about only wanting to smoke weed and not really wanting to see Jake. hahahahahahaha, remember the time you were like "we're here with these stupid ass hoes when we could be blazed right now, b" ? yeah remember that?

double standard indeed

you won't miss me at all, and me coming back will be too soon...

2003-07-19T00:36:00.000-04:00

Me: I wanna key that Mustang... I'm so going to hell.
Mia: Haha, you're already going to hell.
Me: Well the punishment will be worse...
Mia: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah, they'll key me everyday, all day long ... (long pause)...in the anus.

2003-07-18T23:40:00.000-04:00

taking ryan's idea and running with it....

+your three best qualities = funny,understanding, romantic
+three worst qualities = impatient, moochy, self-involved, i make fun of people a lot---thats 4
+three things you are often complimented for = being awesome, saying funnys, being pretty.
+a compliment you got that made you blush = "you're so damn skinny, i can fit my arms the whole way around you and touch myself on the other side" Mr. Jake.
+you get embarrassed when = i can't defend myslef (which is often).
+makes you happy = strangers noticing how awesome i am, hahah, attention from anyone for anything and and stalkers
+upsets you = people stealing my life, making it their own and doing it better.

I had the tizime with of my life giving my boyfriend his space. Hahaha I was in serious denile convincing myself that it was "the girls" and not just "me" that bothered him. haahahahhafuckingha. well anyhoodles, after Mander left for her scheduled threesome with my man and hers...I went to the mall with Mia. Gah, I have missed her so, we went into Spencer's and made nice with the boys behind the counter to get a discount... then we went and got incense, (the huge three feet long ones) lit one and walked around the mall and ran from security and made three new friends, fellow hippies who appreciated our love of feel good smells (weed.) so after bidding farwell to our new buds (get it), we left. In the parking lot there was a nice Stang, reminded me of my baby, so naturally I go to peek inside..the windows were down. Mia spotted ciggs and stole them. Two packs...hahaha...she is a bad influence. So then we proceeded to Border's where we studied the fine art of bondage and decided we'll get together and do that sometime. Mia wanted to use what she stole, so we went outside and she wanted to walk back to the mall as she smoked. So..we were walking and Ryan tried to run over us with his car as he pulled into Border's. Ashley got out, smelled smoke and was disafrigginpointed. Oh well, we came back to Border's, saw people I know and met the Duke in training... Then my dad came to pick me up, Ryan pretended to be my boyfriend and said "hey pop" and my dad was like " what?"

Everyone was sooo friendly and nice and social tonight, or maybe it was me in that feel-good mood. I dunno, it just felt weird being so happy in the moment.
I love you Mia.

2003-07-17T16:51:00.000-04:00

I am last on his list of things to do. I'm getting impacient. My heart feels heavy and I have a constant lump in my throat.

2003-07-17T09:53:00.000-04:00

Rhett: Do you know what that is?
Scarlet: No, I only know that I love you. Rhett, Rhett Rhett! Rhett, if you go, where shall I go what shall I do?
Rhett: Frankley my dear, I don't give a damn.

Keegan: Hi, I'm Keegan, What's -
Ashley: Shhhhh, You had me at I'm Keegan.

2003-07-17T02:59:00.000-04:00

when i said i love you, i was kidding...jeese
what do you take me for?

2003-07-17T00:53:00.000-04:00

ugh, babydick has a small penis, probably because i bit a good portion of it off. eww. cold sores and a widow's peak

Me and Ashley are having the time of our lives. Her and Kyle came over and we watched Gone With the Wind. And laughed the whole time, see I'm funny. And Ashley went into labor and I tied twine around her baby's neck and to a door knob and slammed the door. Out popped the baby. Yay. And Kyle was like "whoa vagina" and then Ashley is like "i will name it 'the cher'" (not referring to her vagina)
Well Kyle left and we got a little sad, till we met a thug on the corner who was offering really good money to be our pimp. and we had sex with like thousand people and made 5 bucks. We were like "Wow, that was REALLY good money."
So we married the pimp, and I think I am with child as well as with herpes. Thank God, the pimp's name is Billy Corgan...otherwise...total waste.

We're watching Conan "you're so hot conan" Ashley said while wiping the drool. At commercial we are gonna go for a ride...to Jake's bedroom. Where I shall wake him up and say "Hey baby." and he'll be like "hayley?" ill be like "yeah?" and he'll be like "oh i've wanted you to be here for so long baby." and " I'll be like, "I'm sorry Jake but I can't be with you because I'm in love with your girlfriend, Roxie. Its the cool thing to do, Jake." and hell be like "But Hayley I still lo-" He trails off as i crawl back out the window.

So now, I sit here, caressing Billy Jr. (my stomach) and wait for the future. Do you think Jake will love it like it was his own? I love him.

now as for that ride....

2003-07-16T19:19:00.000-04:00

hrm, well maybe we could try not looking at the picture and not kissing it everynight before we get too tired of not blinking at the photograph most beautiful girl we have only ever loved...

hey hey hey I'm still pissed off and precoccupied. STILL, like it has been so long.
Well yesterday I went to Salvo with Ashley where discovered the swwwweeeetest pair of go-go boots in my size for (listen to this) only 5 bucks! After swallowing my vommit, (quoting kurdt) I purchased these amazing accessories to an awesome dress (which I also bought) go go gadget Roxie.
I had a lot of fun. Went to a mormon cook out, where we ate mormons... mmm...yeah and I talked to few of the cool ones. Yeah saw Mr. Rukener....Jesse Rucker..so named for his new man boobs. Ashley's brother is quite humorus. "Oh my little cancer stricken one, when ya gonna give me some hair Sharona?" he laughed at me too! yay! Oh, I embarrassed some mormon kid when i rolled my eyes at him being so impressed with a statement i made about bug eyes. Yeah, why was he so thrilled? So I had a lot of good times with my pals. Mia was there as well for the earlier part of the day and she drove through york blasting 50 cent with the windows down. yeaaaaaahhh. We didn't visit fruity, for fear that jake might get jealous...but why should I fear that, when he has his own x-love to comfort him? OHHHH wait he doesn't...thats why he doesn't want me to break up. I'm soo angry right now. and I wish he would start to miss me, maybe after a year or twenty.
Why, I do declare, tonight shall be a blast as well. Me and Ash have a date with Mr. Kennedy. "why yankee, I do declare that it is awfully odd, you still speaking with a southern accent and all..." "so it is."" Great balls of fire, if either of you mentions the war again, I'll go in the house and slam the door! -Oh Scarlet hunny

2003-07-15T11:13:00.000-04:00

he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me he never says he loves me because he doesn't...

2003-07-15T03:08:00.000-04:00

DISCLAIMER: I am very tired right now and mean nothing I say, except this...I now and have always loved Jacob Nevin Walker. Don't know why.

sappy pathetic little me, that was the girl i used to be. you had me on my knees...

i have a date with ashley. yay! i miss everyone, but hayley...hahahahahaha. oh jesus, oh god im sorry, was that MEAN? It was and I'm sorrry, you don't deserve that, but i don't deserve this and that and a 'stupid' here and a ignoring there. Once again, I'm sorry, I'm just jealous and hurt. I wish you would miss me. trying to understand/be understanding. Maybe if...whatever. Go do drugs and have dumbass friends (remaining nameless) that I loathe.

i guess i should feel, i dunno BAD, because the ending of fruity was totally MY fault and I could have stayed with a guy that was my bitch. I had absolute power. So yeah feeling bad, because whenever I'm being shat on, I tend to miss Fruity...but not like you, no, not like you baby...I never shat on you

azureSky309: funny how whenever someone even mentions mountaindew you cream your short
toResistDespair: oooooooh
azureSky309: mountain dew
toResistDespair: brb ihave to change my shorts
toResistDespair: oooooh
toResistDespair: there ruined
azureSky309: mountain dew
toResistDespair: ooooooooooooooh god
toResistDespair: there goes the couch curtain
azureSky309: and lots of mountain dew
toResistDespair: ::drowns:: gurgle

2003-07-15T01:56:00.000-04:00

I love you too Ashley

Well now that I know, I don't know what to do...
What can I do?
Wait? Only thing I can think of.

2003-07-14T20:44:00.000-04:00

Amo a mi novio STILL

2003-07-14T20:38:00.000-04:00

Shes not dead, shes sleeping. -Trailer

I hated today. Today was the first day of my life that I have succeded to burst out in big ass sobs when I talk to anyone about anything. When I said I cried before, that was just a little misty-eyed action going on....This, well this was a hell of a lot different. I need to talk but I can't articulate. I need to take action but I'm a pussy. I need to be independent, but am stuck with comfortable co.

I forgot the pills to die with at my moms. shit. shit. shit. I guess thats a good thing. because there are moments when i wish I hadn't killed myself

2003-07-14T02:01:00.000-04:00

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry so sorry sorry sorry. I'm a big stupid asshole. There actually people that care about me. Believe it or not asshole.

'Cuz every dog has its day, like every woman she gets her own way. And if theres a ship that sails tonight I'll captain that too. Just to be there with you.

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow." - My husband aka James Dean

Jimmy to his fighting parents in "rebel without a cause".: You're TEARING ME APART!!!!! (sob sob drool)

2003-07-14T01:30:00.000-04:00

I don't know. I feel so nonchalante once again. There is going to be a big change, maybe a suicide to for warn. Don't be surprised if I wake up dead tomorrow or the next day. I'm totally serious, I need some time to think. I don't want to ever talk to anyone again. I figure that if I think, I'll just want to die anyways...so why not just do it before I waste my life away. I don't think I would dedicate any part of my suicide note to my signigicant other. Well maybe, the part where I make him feel really bad for treating me like shit all this time when he could have been enjoying the last moments of my waste of life, and maybe jusrt maybe I would be a little more positive on living. I'm a "waste of his time." I don't care who reads this. Its what I feel at this very moment. I don't care at all anymore, not at all. Nothing can hurt me anymore. You can't be hurt if nothing loves you and you don't love. I'm upset at myself for letting me care so god damn much. I'm convincing myself that I don't love. I feel so happy sometimes, and people can just take it away. I don't know why they want to do that to me. I think I am generally a nice person. Why am I so easy to attack? People aren't naturally good, they are naturally thinking about how good there actions willl make them look in the long run. I should stick up for myself, but I don't because I don't want to hurt other people the way that they do me. And when I do, shoot something back and I see that I somehow won, I feel really disgusted with myself even moreso. So dump on me all you want. I'll be dead sooner then later. I'm the most annoying person I know, even I don't want to be around me anymore. Problem solved

2003-07-10T12:39:00.000-04:00

Soy tan bonita que hago el grito de chicos. Amo a mi novio. Quiero tener su bebe. Kayla es mi mejor amiga, ella siempre undertsands mi y da el mejor consejo. Recientemente, parezco a preocupar por Amanda. Ella obtendra el corazon roto. El sexo arruina el todo. En la playa, nosotros tendremos la abundancia de orgias.

2003-07-09T20:55:00.000-04:00

damn saggy boobs...i feel happier now

2003-07-09T17:04:00.000-04:00

ugh...Mia when do you get off. I miss you long time. I need a hit of you. and i feel the need, the need for mia and good times and T-R-O-U-B-L-E dod odododod

hey dildo!

2003-07-06T01:58:00.000-04:00

hey dildo
hahahahahahha

i am way too self involved for how much i supposedly hate myself
i bet the list of things wrong with me would totally kick the list of great things' ass
but oh well
i need some yoga and raffi, bring on the baby baluoga swimming in the deep blue sea...god dammit if i was stranded on a desert island and could only bring one thing (besides a gun with a single bullet for evident suicidal tendencies) i would bring raffi in my cd player. baby balooga....
i think maybe if i were more active i wouldn't have so much time to sit and think about how much MY life sucks. NO ONE is going to care if I'm sad, so whats the point? Next time I ever question anything thats shitty in my life I'll just say "fuck you Roxie, nobody is going to try to make you feel better or fix the problem, but you, you big pudgy stupid piece of shit."
so yeah...i think I am being more optimistic now yeah. I am one optimistic pudgy stupid piece of shit, I tell you what..."
I was wondering why I hate myself. Not to blame others but, I was repeatedly told how ugly and fat I am. I lost a shitload and straightnened my hair and lost the braces. Now that I "fixed" me on the outside. I'm not good enough at anything I do ( I get shitty grades, I'm so selfish, a mooch, lazy inconsiderate) AND i still think I am fat and ugly. I soooo need constant positive reinforcement to motivate me to succeed at anything. I shouldn't be that way. I wish I wasn't so fucking co-dependent.

I need to get used to my body the way it is...not expect anything from myself except the best I can do, and GET HAPPY, like myself so I can like others...
even though I expand all my love to others, but whatever

2003-07-05T16:26:00.000-04:00

ok ok
i'm at kyle's house
we are going to call him dildo from now on because we have recently nicknamed dildos ky-lieghs. so it makes sense.
hrm hrm hrm
hope hes not mad
i miss my shexy boyfriend
kayla's mom sucks my ass.
I really hate how she hates me all the time. I so don't deserve it. I am like her best friend and she has no idea what kind of friendship me and Kayla have. Kayla can always depend on me to fill her in.

2003-06-30T00:49:00.000-04:00

hey mia my mom love you call whenever

2003-06-30T00:25:00.000-04:00

so incredibly in love with jake jake
happy birthday
red paint
penquins
love love love

2003-06-28T01:57:00.000-04:00

This week was so much better indeed. I have had so much more fun. Mom has let me out of the house. Jake came over a couple times. That was cool. Taylor is in love with him. She is like my sister, even though I hate her for taking all my love from not only my mom but now my dad.
Yeah today I had a pretty bad day. I was just too exhausted to really care. Saw Jake at Border's and then we went to Denny's for a change. I love him a lot.

OH MY GOD. Ashley left Reality Bites here. Holy monkey shit! Troy Dyer is mine! Oh god, I must force Jake to watch this brilliant piece of film. .. (sigh) I remember making Fruity do that on our first date and him saying it was good. He hated it. He was so my bitch. Now the roles are reversed, "Who's the biatch NOW!?" me, I'm the bitch now.

2003-06-22T13:19:00.000-04:00

I'm wasting my youth.
I haven't bathed or changed clothes for a record four days. I'm thinking I'll do that tonight, so I am super hot for Jake tomorrow. Even when I try my hardest it's still mediocre.

I just called my dad an ass. I said "you're an ass." Because we were watching a movie where this kid just found his mom on the couch puking up sleeping pills after trying to kill herself. Somebody asked the kid where the phone was so they could call for help. They kid didn't answer. My dad said, " Does that kid want his mom to die?" to which I said "you're an ass." I should have been slapped in the face. There I go again crying. I just have so much love for everyone and can never express it and it is tearing me apart. I'm an ass. Maybe this week will be better.

2003-06-21T17:38:00.000-04:00

god dammit, Two and a half hours later and nothing is better. I want to go get a gift and I can't even do that...my mom would rather me sitting at home and just breed pimples and grow leg hair. I fucking hate her, nobody will be nice to me, and I really need that now...I just can't stop crying and feeling really sorry for myself. Heartbreak is eneivitable.

2003-06-21T00:36:00.000-04:00

Hey Josh!
this is where i confess my undieing love, don't cry
I want you to know that I miss you soo much and all the good times we have had. I still consider you a best friend and my soul sista. We were always knew what the other was thinking (still do.) I'm sorry for always being smarter then you when you have always been older. I have always felt like the little sister you are ashamed to be seen in public with. Soooo many memories: the beach; where everyone thought i was your girlfriend and you walked on the other side of the boardwalk but still saved me from those scary Christians, and Corgan, you finding five bucks and it making your year, you being a pussy that wouldn't ride any ride but the spaceship... MC hammer, vanilla ice then green day then the pumpkins (you caught 'em before me)-now whatever music is cool at the moment...holy shit!!!!!i just remembered...THE BOTTLE, p.o.p. (pink ordinary poop)...Lance Dewease...poop, shut up and manners at the sprint car races...ok ill stop, because i'm sure you are creeped out

i love you so much and hope that we hang out fucking soon already

2003-06-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

such a long distance, but we share the same sky, share the same feelings and the same mind....*break into "I Touch Myself" *

I decided that I'm not going to be one of those people that define themselves by what they can fucking do....I'm too punk rock for my own fucking good...that the people who think they are punk rock piss me off. (yes that means i piss myself off, gah duh)
They are like "i'm different because I listen to music that only a billion people listen to instead of 6 billion, i'm different beacause i play guitar and create shitty poems and drawings, im different because i like to express myself in ways that are shocking to my mom, i'm different because i hate myself and want to die" (all referring to me)
people that are different for those reasons need to realize that everybody is that way
don't get me wrong, i want nothing more then to be different...but I'm not going to try so hard that i forget how i really want to be.
i trust that you are thouroughly confused.

2003-06-20T23:18:00.000-04:00

toResistDespair: so what if jake truely had feelings for someone else in his life before you
azureSky309: i see your point
toResistDespair: relax
azureSky309: im soo paranoid
toResistDespair: don't be

still paranoid...i'm sooo crazy, i don't deserve anything good

2003-06-20T02:54:00.000-04:00

so many bugs eating my face, my beautiful face

2003-06-19T21:00:00.000-04:00

ok I've talked to Mander and Mia and we are all pals agian

to Mia: You are the best drinking buddy ever and I'm glad it was with you and I'm glad we could feel sad together and hate ourselves together and are more alike then we ever thought. I'm glad you are finally part of my life again, oh, how I've missed you.

to Mander: I hope you know that I'm sincerely sorry for disrespecting you, I made a mistake as do most people, I'm glad you still love me.

to Jake: skirt+KY+mall=in your dreams
hahahah jk, keep your fingers crossed and pray real hard to that non-existent God, birthday boy

2003-06-19T19:17:00.000-04:00

Ok, I fucked myself over on Tuesday...
Me and Mia got royally pissed off at Mander, I was upset because my boyfriend couldn't come over to make out with me, while she was down stairs fucking Josh...Mia was upset as well...so we decided to get shitfaced to piss her off
we did more then piss her off...
Being the great friend that she is, she kicked us out of the house...then also being a super best pal, she took me home where I got caught...
I know what I did was wrong and disrespectful...But i know for a fact that I would've taken care of Amanda if she was in such a state and not have gotten her into sooo much shit...she also wasn't very smart with the whole telling her dad.

I dunno, I've been thinking a lot with all this fucking time on my hands....that Amanda isn't really a great friend..I mean I think shes my best friend... but she hasn't been that good to me...she would never take the heat for me. she always blames me, "Dad, Roxie wanted to stay out late...Roxie is hungry, can we have some money."
I always take the blame for my friends especially if it is my fault, but even if its not, I have enough respect for them to let my parents (or their parents) hate me and not them.

anywho, I'm going through Jake withdrawal...I miss him muchismo....All i do is think about him and invent different scenarios in my head of our meeting up again

2003-06-17T12:11:00.000-04:00

When I wake up in the morning,
and the alarm gives out a warning
and I think I'll never make it on time.
By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look,
I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by.
Its all right 'cause I'm saved by the bell.

If the teacher pops a test,
I know I'm in a mess and my dog ate all my homework last night.
Riding low in my chair,
she won't know that I'm there.
If I hand it in tomorrow it'll be alright.
Its alright, 'cause I'm saved by the bell.

Its all right 'cause I'm saved by the... Its all right 'cause I'm saved by the...Its all right 'cause I'm saved by the bell.

I feel 100000 times better after talking to Jake.

2003-06-16T23:34:00.000-04:00

i feel so selfish

2003-06-13T16:17:00.000-04:00

sweet jesus
finally i can make sweet sweet love to jaaaaaake again

2003-06-13T00:16:00.000-04:00

Jake was being a bitch until he saw his car, cuz I'm a disrespectful cunt and can't do anything right.... hhahah I totally disagree, it's never my fault.

holy shit...god bless clitoral stimulation.

Just got done watching the fucking creepiest movie...DEAD ALIVE..I suggest you viddy it well.

2003-06-12T01:45:00.000-04:00

Oh yes, today I was sooo hungry that I decided to walk down to my dad's...I'm passing by the church right next to my dad's house and I realize I got the wrong key. I was super pissed, because there is no reception on my cellphone and I didn't want to have to walk the whole way back to Mom's on an empty stomach all alone...so I had to walk all the way back up the hill and call her from there...she came and picked me up, where she realized that food is and essential to survive or something...so she went to the grocery store...and then I ate....Great story, huh?

I leave my friends out, but who cares? (minus my friends that I am leaving out that is) haheheheheha

I'm sitting here in my genie get-up. I owe Mander a lap dance in this outfit.
I'm Roxie I'm confused sometimes because I freaked out...Mander says I'm aloud to at this time of the month...but the freak out was hardly hormonal. But we shall blame it on mother nature just the same.
Gah, I hate Kelly Howard, she's gonna ruin my freakin' vacation...thin, brownhaired bitch. And that Ashley bitch too -so ignorant-. We watched the best of Insomniac... (all mander telling me what to say)

Aw drunks and losers, dwarves with limps
flos and hos and one eyed pimps
down the alley way they creep
they are your friend when you can 't sleep

come with me and you will see
a late night freak show JUBILEE
kick the sandman in his sack
stay up late, INSOMNIAC

anywho, we watched insomniac and that was groovy....I <3 Dave Atell.

You must die young if you want to die happy....

june eleventh two-thousand three.

2003-06-11T16:34:00.000-04:00

Um...this weekend was boodles of fun..went to a SHOW on Saturday, all the West York boys seemed to be digging Neopsych, they don't know how much the hometown of this groovy band loathes them. what is now called Blood Stains All is a fuckin' awesome band...I got Koolaid smell on Jake's jacket...sorry. anywho, I was supposed to go to Pittsburgh with Kayla on Sunday and Mom would not let me....so i think i hung out with Jake or something like I always do...gah...the stoner let a secret go and then later his number to a girl with short boobs and big hair (hey, yeah I'm still upset, 'cause I'm the total jealous type....watch the fuck out-a sentence always sounds meaner when "fuck" is in it). Monday me and Jake and Mander went to the lake, where Mander proceeded to mope in the car while me and Jacob had a gay ol' time feeding fishys and later gettin' lost in the big scary woods. 5 mountain dews and a roll of cookie dough later I'm still at home.

Hey, isn't life grand? There's so much to appreciate, like: people seeking your advice, finding a dollar in the back pocket of your newly washed jeans that make your butt look existent, sheep that hate you and eat the same fucking grass ( that you just tried to feed them) from your boyfriends hand but not yours, when your mom decides to start caring at exactly the wrong time...
even things that would otherwise seem shitty, I can appreciate, because I'm still great/well-off/living....I'm sure I sound like an idiot..but of course I don't care.

2003-06-07T12:05:00.000-04:00

"And I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional again, kinda odd but yeah...half makes me laugh and half reminds me of being in love with Fruity and following him around everywhere ever and late nights at Wendy's and crying about over him. ew. But yeah. Why do I waste all the good music on dumb experiences? " --Ashley

Yeah I relate Fruity to DC all the time...That's why I know longer listen to them...cheer up emo kid.

Neal is working with Fruity...Now Ashley can cry about them both...and we can seduce Neal with our Frosty straws.

2003-06-07T00:17:00.000-04:00

Iwillhurtuhard: l
Iwillhurtuhard: la
Iwillhurtuhard: lat
Iwillhurtuhard: late
Iwillhurtuhard: later
Iwillhurtuhard: oh yeah

aw thats dear
i love my baby

2003-06-07T00:00:00.000-04:00

Holy crizap,
Today was the last day of school...It certainly doesn't feel like it. Hrm, not that much has happened...I cleaned out my locker yeseterday and gave my mom some of my artwork.
Today Mander, Amber, Linnhe and I went to Mcdonalds for breakfast...later we bopped our way into the HS to Aha's "take on me"
Got to school had tons of fun, Morrocco slapped my ass really hard...I sat on Elliot's lap and he cried a little. Senor Rojahn sang us a song that was quit beautiful....what a way to end the day.
I went to see Finding Nemo, with Jacob Nevin and Josh Paul and mander. It was quite impressive. Had tons of fun.
tomorrow is the big show with Koolaid's band...I'm lookin forward to that.

2003-05-31T00:42:00.000-04:00

Mander chose Josh. Life is so gay...
I want to die sometimes.
I want to live sometimes.
God, I was sooo excited to see my boyfriend, he tells his bud he has nothing to do and doesn't want to let me know what the fuck is going on. I really wish I didn't fucking follow him around everywhere like a stupid dog. He makes me feel so dependent...my friends are disowning me...I think hes worth it all, I love him so much. And I don't love just anyone...don't take me for granted.
I was so happy...

2003-05-28T22:30:00.000-04:00

Went out for breakfast with the boys. Everything is retarded and too involved in our circle of friends. Jake and me seem to be the only unchanging freaks in the bunch. Mander hit a duck(ling) yeah ahahhaha. So after food, we had to take them to school. he LOVES me. we had to run into first period from running late and i couldn't stop smiling all day

2003-05-27T18:37:00.000-04:00

so Billy and Mander now. (vommits) I'm somewhat disturbed. What-the-fuck-ever.

Jake hates me...but all I wanna do is lick him all over his naked body, throw him on the floor, have every kinda sex imaginable, cry cuz im his soulmate, and spoon afterwards (naked) while we discuss how much fun we had, then wake up in the morning and go out to eat with our hair all fudged and PJs on, then go back to bed or the woods for round 2. THATS ALL!

2003-05-27T13:12:00.000-04:00

I took off sick today. I feel like shit.
Finals are tomorrow
the school just called regarding my absence

I feel like crying, dying...and living when i feel better

Don't volunteer your heart and expect a payment.

2003-05-26T00:37:00.000-04:00

I wonder if he loves me like I do him.

2003-05-25T02:30:00.000-04:00

I had a ball at the Madball concert tonight. It has been awhile since I've seen some real music. Jake and Billy and Mander and Kayler were all along for the ride.....I think Kayla is going through my underwear drawer right now...psh anyways. Jake took an extra dose of happy so he was really fun. I wanna get him naked really bad...right now.

2003-05-24T16:05:00.000-04:00

you got love her, squeeze her, don't tease her, never leave her! You gotta got ta try a little tenderness. yeah yeah

2003-05-22T22:11:00.000-04:00

I want to dye my hair to match my dress,
slit my wrists because I'm depressed
I want to have sex just to say I did,
break up with you then say "I kid"
If I was serious, Would you kiss me?
If i was Honest, you wouldn't miss me

2003-05-20T18:52:00.000-04:00

Jake is gonna be a lifeguard...if he is utterly charming @ his interview...which I have no doubt he will be. Oh, I keep forgetting that we are broken up. hahahah....kidding, I would never break up with his sweet candy ass...I love him too much.

amanda for some reason didn't let me know about her little get together with Josh and Kyle and Amber...perhaps because its becoming the four of them and not the four of us? I don't care. what a tard.

So fruity hasn't mentioned a disturbing phone call to his fatass.

2003-05-19T21:36:00.000-04:00

emptiness is loneliness
and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness
and god is empty just like me

2003-05-17T16:35:00.000-04:00

ok ok
I just don't give a fuck-eminem-
I decided that I'm retaded and that is that, and I'm a Stupid Girl-garbage.-
I swear somties you taking me for granted, I swear sometimes you're a whore. I swear, but I know there ain't no reason..cuz everything is such a bore...-sublime-

I'm sitting here naked after just getting out of the shower with Manderm, (this will hush all rumors of us being gay) wrapped up in cum stained sheets, having the time of my life...

I've been sad...everyone's sad, so why should you care?

2003-05-17T10:27:00.000-04:00

beginning to wonder if im just a P.O.A....wish I would've known so I wouldn't have gotten attached.

We can't find Mander and we're in her house and her fucking car is here. Beginning to worry along with wonder.

And I don't know what to do with those toss salads and scrambled eggs...they're calling againg...goodnite Seattle, we love ya!!!

2003-05-17T01:24:00.000-04:00

god damn mother fucker
Jake is a coooool smoker...what a conformist piece of shit

2003-05-16T22:30:00.000-04:00

Helllllooooo...I'm at Mander's. At her crazy pizarty
Jake Walker is hotter then God...who needs religion...I shall spend my days worshiping Jake.
Billy is cool.
I hate boys

2003-05-15T19:35:00.000-04:00

I love you soooo much.

Jake can come out for some good tunes and coffee...saweet.

Kayler's going to AFI with Davey's twin.

Mia's still living but in jail.

Amanda is uber in love with Josh...hes gonna break her heart and im gonna break his ass.

I'm in uber love with Jacob Nevin Walker